Four months ago, this trip was a plane ticket and a two month rental in an apartment in Shau Kei Wan. I'm sitting in my living room in Discovery bay now, watching the sun set behind the mountains on Lantau Island, planning my trip to China.
This blog is supposed to be about my experiments with happiness and lately I've haven't written much on the topic, but I thought, hey, today I'm going to reflect a bit. Not too much, but a bit about how the past few months have shaped my present outlook.
There are few things that spring to mind immediately. I started reading a book Hiren left in my bag on our way to the airport. I think it was during our breakfast at Panera Bread with Mimsy and Chief in Millbrae. Way of Peaceful Warrior got my mind wrapped up in the great question of lasting happiness. The book describes the journey of a talented but somewhat depressed Dan Millman as he's guided along by an eccentric old man named Socrates toward ultimate and lasting happiness. The journey is long and hard and often Dan feels he is making no progress. But in the end, he achieves his enlightenment. I read this book slowly and absorbed it as I was sick and bedridden after eating Mexican food in Soho :)
The book promises something truly great, lasting happiness. Socrates preaches action over thoughts and feelings, meditation, awareness, staying present and shows that changing yourself to achieve those comes of great discipline and patience. I'm still questioning the methods, but the question is very interesting (and seems to be very interesting to others as well judging by how many blog posts I see and TED videos on the subject of happiness). Why does happiness seem so elusive to so many people, most of the time. We do things that make us happy, like buy smoothies and beers and hang out with friends, but those things only afford us a "buzz." Hours later, after our hangover (perhaps during), we get right back to feeling the way we did before that night out partying. We have good memories, sure, but those feelings don't last. Nothing seems to last.
That brings me to another book I was reading as I was moving to Discovery Bay on Buddhism. Buddhism talks about impermanence and change as a fundamental aspect of reality. Most of us deny change in many ways. We create expectations for the future, and feel bad and often regret the past. Buddhists talk about always staying present and focusing all of our attention in the current moment. The past is over and cannot be changed and the future never turns out the way we expect it to... stay in the present. When we miss the train or over pay for something, we suddenly feel bad and it destroys our entire day, when instead we could just let it go and continue to strive to make our current actions the best actions they can be. I was determined on this trip, given my realization that I only have one life (my realization, which may not be true for others), that figuring out "happiness" would be my number one priority.
Believing that knowledge is only as important is the actions it generates (also from Peaceful Warrior), I put as much of this into practice I could. Reading Buddhist principles, and meditating on my thoughts as I go about daily life (noticing when I get upset and when I feel happy), I start to realize that accepting change means being more than just reactive. It is meditating on how we should react and feel in a situation, as it unfolds, possibly choosing to not react as well.
Speaking of actions. I'm a fundamental believer in self-improvement, in every aspect of life. I have been for the last five years at least (and getting there was something I'm lucky enough to have realized). But prior to these couple months, I've never figured out why and how people change. Is it because we decide one day to think about things differently... or act differently? Is it because the people around us influence us? It was always very confusing to me that slowly (and sometimes quickly), everyone changes. Recently though, upon reading Buddhist texts and discussing the subject with close friends. I'm starting to form the theory that it all boils down to our actions. Every action we take either reinforces or begins something. The second time we carry out that action, it's a little bit easier and as time goes on, these actions become habits until we internalize them completely and they become an aspect of who we are. If we focus on our actions and choose them carefully, we will start to create better habits for ourselves and this is the basis of self-improvement.
Actions, habits and self-improvement bring me back to happiness. If you watch the monk Matthieu Ricard's TED video (http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/matthieu_ricard_on_the_habits_of_happiness..., he talks about mind-training as a basis for changing how happy you are. Happiness, as he talks about in this video, is a habit. In the past month I've spent more time alone in long stretches than I have in probably 5 years. Through meditation and waking up to the joy of basic sensations, cleanliness, good health and a clear mind, I've felt much more content than I've ever felt before. I'm not saying I've achieved something great, since I know many people who are very happy all the time, some very close relatives of mine in fact. But for me, it's a wonderful feeling. Finding it not through excitement, or socializing or drink or drug, but through a basic change in attitude. And it seems so much cheaper to find happiness through changing myself, than through drinks or other material luxuries.
I suppose that's all I wanted to write, though it took longer than expected. I'd be curious to hear your thoughts on the topic.
